Top 10k strings from Fish 2 - The Supplement - Issue 03 (1994)(Fish Tapezine)(128k).z80 in <root> / bin / z80 / software / Sinclair Spectrum Collection TOSEC.exe / Sinclair ZX Spectrum - Magazines / Sinclair ZX Spectrum - Magazines - [Z80] (TOSEC-v2007-01-01) /
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12 "HOROSCOPES", 2 page=page-1 2 page=page+1 1 ~BbB@BBbB@ 1 z$=" See y'again! ": 1 x,y;Q$(sel) 1 print data 1 page2=(page2*10 1 page2 =page 1 page driver 1 font2s add 1 font2=65000 1 font1s add 1 font1=60000 1 font changeing 1 Mat's Stuff 1 CONTENTS MENU 1 BB@B<@Bb~< 1 B<\<><<\<> 1 B<@<|<<@<| 1 ;'"Zafar Ahmad Khan" 1 ;'"MatAlfChrisLiz Productions" 1 ;'"FISH 2"; 1 ;'"Editorial contributors:"; 1 ;'"Driver system by:"; 1 ;'"Chris Thomson"''; 1 ;'"Charecter set by:"; 1 ;'"Alchemist PD" 1 ;'"3 Station Rd, Birch Vale,"'"Stockport, Cheshire SK12 5BP" 1 ;"[M]=menu CURSOR KEYS=turn page "'"[I]=info [G]=select page 1 ;"Page number? "; 1 ;"PRINTING TEXT...": 1 ;"PRINTING SCREEN...": 1 ;"PLEASE WAIT...ZZZ..." 1 ;"P";page; 1 ;"Other controls:"'"[P] Prints text [S] Screen"'"[Q] Quit" 1 ;"Menu system by:"; 1 ;"Issue 3"; #0 1 ;"FISH 2 Issue 3"; 1 ;"CURSOR KEYS AND ENTER TO SELECT." 1 ;" Quit (Y/N)? "; 1 ;" JUNE 1994" 1 ;" FISH 2 : The Supplement "; 1 ;" ";page: 1 ;" ";n$;" " 1 ;" press any key to return" 1 23638-0785": 1 23637+256* 1 ,"CONTENTS MENU": 1 +f,y;" ";Q$(f);" ": 1 ++ LIN,COL,PAPER,INK,NO.SELS,LENGTH LONGEST SEL.,SHADOW COLOUR,"TITLE" 1 +" You will need: 1 pair of Y fronts, 1 coat hanger, 7 feet of wire/a washing line and 1 TV." 1 +" With this ever so blimming crap song "+ 1 +" We're really raking it in!" 1 +" We really know it'll sell, yes "+ 1 +" We know we're exploiting all the kids "+ 1 +" Tim, Sorrey - Pass The Salt. P. "+ 1 +" They can't half make a quick buck "+ 1 +" Mti, Srurey - The llama is stapled to the hen's gizzard. P. " 1 +" Just to make it worse we rereleased it, and "+ 1 +" It was following the first one. "+ 1 +" It was dead. "+ 1 +" It wanted to join the club. "+ 1 +" It thought it was a squirrel. Ho ho!" 1 +" Got a load of footballers to sing along, oh... "+ 1 +" Good."+ 1 +" Dear A&M, I am splitting up with my boyfriend and frankly I still love him. What can I do? ANON. "+ 1 +" But we couldn't really give a ... monkey's..." 1 +" Because we always win! "+ 1 +" And because our fans are so bloody guilible "+ 1 +" And as long as you tw*ts keep buying this tosh "+ 1 +" And a load of souvenirs as well "+ 1 +" 9) You have to take out a mortgage for a Mr Whippy. " 1 +" 9) Kill yourself. "+ 1 +" 8) Kill him. "+ 1 +" 8) A pint of lager costs you about `15. "+ 1 +" 7) Nick someone's moped. "+ 1 +" 7) All the teenagers dress like Kriss Kross. "+ 1 +" 7 Answers on a post card to Chris Thomson, St. Paul's House, Bretch Hill, OX16 OLR. and rember ther is a I'm a Boffin Poster to the best post card with a pictrure of me depicted on it!! P.T.O." 1 +" 6) So does the rest of London, in fact. "+ 1 +" 6) Board a plane. "+ 1 +" 5) Hire a taxi. "+ 1 +" 5) Greenwhich smells of poo. "+ 1 +" 5) ""Errol! Is that a John Nolks pencil sharpener I can see in your rucksack?"" (Stop lying. A reader)." 1 +" 5 With a name like Anon we're not surprised he's leaving you. Is it Welsh or are your parents insane? Lots of love, A&M. (Welsh? Insane? What's the difference? Ed)" 1 +" 5 We don't think you've got tonsilitis, but have you ever met Russel Grunt? Yours, blah, A&M." 1 +" 5 Do you have hot FLUSHES? Have you ever watched CHAIN Letters? Or is this phase just a FLUSH in the PAN? Try sticking your head in a pigswill bucket. Love, A&M (c/o Armatige Shanks). (This is worse than Sumner's. Ed) (That's impossible. Alf)" 1 +" 5 (This is the last time we have a ""spot the spelling mistake"" competition ever. Mat)" 1 +" 5 (Just as I was about to edit them out, too. Mat) "+ 1 +" 4.Why did the tree fall over? "+ 1 +" 4. The finished product will look super! Happy viewing - and good luck!" 1 +" 4) Take the car. "+ 1 +" 4) And all the other politicians. "+ 1 +" 4) ""Hold my hand very tightly"" "+ 1 +" 3.Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? "+ 1 +" 3. Add wire or washing line to the TV. "+ 1 +" 3) There are more fascists down there. "+ 1 +" 3) Have a tug in a cubicle." 1 +" 3) Get a train. "+ 1 +" 3) ""And we lost every game, as I recall."" "+ 1 +" 2.Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? "+ 1 +" 2. Attach the coat hanger to the pants by utilising the label on the back. "+ 1 +" 2) Teach your son how to swim. "+ 1 +" 2) Ditto East 17. "+ 1 +" 2) Catch a bus. "+ 1 +" 2) ""Tummy playfully bites his leg."" "+ 1 +" 2 Virgo "+ 1 +" 2 Taurus "+ 1 +" 2 Scorpio "+ 1 +" 2 Saggitarius "+ 1 +" 2 Pisces "+ 1 +" 2 Libra "+ 1 +" 2 Leo "+ 1 +" 2 Gemini "+ 1 +" 2 Capricorn "+ 1 +" 2 Cancer "+ 1 +" 2 Aries "+ 1 +" 2 Aquarius "+ 1 +" 15) That's it." 1 +" 11) Er... "+ 1 +" 10) Kill everybody. "+ 1 +" 0 Your love life will explode over the next month or so, so stay away from any TNT factories." 1 +" 0 Your favourite pop star will not appear in your living room singing ""Tiptoe Through The Tulips""." 1 +" 0 You will have to deal with an unbelievabley sized rock. If you are not careful, this rock will cause severe damage to your cerebral cortex." 1 +" 0 You can laugh at Benny Hill, but Terry and June is a no-no." 1 +" 0 This entire years has been a bit of a downer for you, hasn't it? Serves you right, you slimy toad!" 1 +" 0 The next month is uneventful. (Oh what a cop out!)" 1 +" 0 The Sun is full of black mosquitos. This is a bringer of doom, pestilence and bad taste wallpaper. Russel Grant is on his vacation. BEWARE!" 1 +" 0 On July 21st, you will have a big surprise! It will involve two elastic bands, a tenon saw and a ball of wool. BEWARE! This could prove fatal." 1 +" 0 Neptune is in a bad mood. His cat has eaten all his Munchies, and the shops are closed until Thursday." 1 +" 0 It is time you made a serious effort to get along with your man-eating daffodil. Try buying it some weed killer." 1 +" 0 Certain hints from friends should persuade you to get rid of those ""trendy"" clothes you have been wearing for years. Take their advice. Burn 'em..." 1 +" 0 A dangerous biro threatens your chances of becomming a grasshopper. Mars in your sister sign doesn't give a toss." 1 +" (Upbeat bit) We can make lots of dosh, "+ 1 +" (Sing along!) So let's hear it for our marketing managers "+ 1 ***data for menu*** 1 ****MENU**** (MENUER BY Z.A.KHAN) 1 * Come back with my life savings!! I can't believe I let that bloke who looked like Noel Edmonds run off with all my money. Boo hoo." 1 )+" Oi where is my face lift, Oi You B 1 )+" Here you go that is my life savings! "+ 1 )+" Free face lift when you enroll, Enroll charge `100 "+ 1 )+" And so ends the begining" 1 '"THIS IS A COPY OF ""FISH 2"","'"THE ""FISH"" TAPEZINE WRITTEN"'"USING CHRIS THOMSON'S ""TZINE"""'"PROGRAM. IT IS NOT AN ORIGINAL"'"(EEK).": 1 "What another page?"," P.S. is going to be A4 and be made on my schools computers (Which have a colour printer) by me!! (Fish employees and any one who has seen me before cannot enter, so there.)"+ 1 "TOP 5 YS QUOTES"," 1) ""Oh no, not the bloody Tetley tea folk again."" "+ 1 "THINGS WE LIKE","""Babies"" by Pulp, The Thing Monthly, M&Ms, The Beiderbecke Affair by Alan Plater, Red Dwarf being repeated." 1 "THINGS WE DON'T LIKE","Liptonice tea, teenyboppers, popular German culture, everyone complaining." 1 "THE FISH2 REVIEWS SECTION","More totally irrelevant reviews and things." 1 "THE FISH2 PROBLEM PAGE","With this month's guest agony aunts, HITLER and MUSSOLINI. "+ 1 "THE FISH2 PROBLEM PAGE","Dear A&M, I keep thinking I'm a toilet. What shall I do? HUMPHREY WUBBA-DANG. "+ 1 "THE FISH2 PIZZA PAGE","Dear A&M, I get the ""Sunday Sport"" and I beleive the stories. Am I mad or have I got tonsilitis? ARTHUR PEWTY. "+ 1 "THE CHARTS MAY 1994","FISH2 Charts compiled by OOPSUP. Sponsored by US." 1 "REASONS WHY IT'S CRAP DOWN SOUTH"," 1) EastEnders come from down south. "+ 1 "RADIO:MARK RADCLIFFE","(BBC Radio One FM, Mon-Thu, 10pm-midnight) Mark Radcliffe's programme is a marvel of communications. Top music, funny people, and some vaguely interesting bits (books, films, comedy, poetry, the like). Listen." 1 "Primordal Soup"," Whopps I forgot I've finished my Sicence essay now. This is D*** fish2! I hope you just enjoyed the first installment of Hay you, you need a face lift, the new hit dramer exclsivly on FISH2 THE NUMMBER ONE Spectrum tapezine read by over 10 veiewers World wide. "+ 1 "PS","If you didn't understand that ""15 Ways To Leave Your Man"" thing, it was a reference to The Fall's record." 1 "POP NEWS","FISH2 were astonished this month to learn that not only reasonably good rock band Little Angles were splitting up, BUT Mat's All-Time Best-Ever Band (in the whole of today), The Wonder Stuff. They shall be sadly missed. But! It's not all bad news! Guns n' Roses are also splitting up any day now, and Jason Goateebeard has left Take That, presumably to persue a guitar solo career. Ha ha!" 1 "NEXT ISH!","More pages. Hopefully. Plus! The elusive FISH index, more reviews and top tens, bad jokes, blatantly false news items, and more! I can't wait a moment longer. Can you?" 1 "NEWSFLASH","Alleged Gloucester serial killer Fred West has been let off after police discovered his house had been built on what used to be a cemetary." 1 "Mat's Stuff","Literature","Horoscopes","Problem Page","Charts","Reviews","Chris T!","Singalong","Liz's Jokes","So Long...","Credits etc" 1 "MOSTLY HARMLESS - EXPLAINED!","in which the Earth doesn't get destroyed because the possibility has to be covered in the whole giant scheme of things. If you see what I mean. (No. Ed) This means that MH leaves DNA the possibility to write yet another follow up, because it doesn't have to be our Arthur and Ford and Trillian that get killed. (I wish I knew which tense I was in). So what we could say is:The Earth never was has been about to be not yet been destroyed. Or something." 1 "MOSTLY HARMLESS - EXPLAINED!","Thanks for clearing that up for us, Alf. ""Mostly Harmless"" is published by Pan for `4.99 in paperback. Buy it, I should (and, indeed, did)." 1 "MOSTLY HARMLESS - EXPLAINED!","Right. An explanation of The End. (The way I see it). Let's start with the Earth. The Earth was blown up in HH. The Earth ""suddenly re-appeared in the Hitch Hiker's Guide in Ford Prefect's hand"" in ""So Long..."" This, DNA put down to a hallucination. So The Earth is still around. OK. It was never destroyed. IGNORE ALL THAT HAS COME BEFORE! >>>" 1 "MOSTLY HARMLESS - EXPLAINED!","In MH, all the way through the book, DNA switches between various Universes without you realising it...so the Earth, and indeed the Solar System, that is destroyed for the FIRST TIME (remember! IGNORE THE FIRST FOUR BOOKS!) is not necessarily the right Solar System. In DNA's universe of infinite universes, infinite possibilities and all that jazz, there has to be at least one Universe >>>" 1 "MORE WAYS TO CATCH ELEPHANTS"," 1) Give your mum a headache. "+ 1 "MORE OF LIZ'S CRAP","1.Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? "+ 1 "MESSAGES FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE"," Tim, Surrey - !!!I'm Dead!!! P. "+ 1 "MAT'S STUFF","Greetings, Spec-chums, and welcome to another exciting episode of FISH 2. Either in this ish or next we'll have a new (and hopefully quicker) driver, written as ever by the lovely Mr. Chris (A Name To Watch Out For) Thomson. In this ish, in addition to the stuff on the menu, you can read the second part of our lessons in Conversing With Idiots and rhyming slang, discover the awards FISH picked up and lots more stuff besides." 1 "MAG:""DEADPAN""","""Deadpan"" is, apparently, Britain's first national comedy magazine, which aims to ""get top class writers to interview comedians and top class comedians to write the funny stuff and be in the pub for six"" which is a good manifesto if ever I heard one. It's a mixture of humour and features on comedians et al. Issue 1 features bits on Steve (unfunny) Wright, Whoopi Goldberg, Sean Hughes, Reeves and Mortimer and why British sitcoms are so *hit." 1 "Love Sick in need of face lift?","Then look no further than the love sick and need a face lift club "+ 1 "LIZ'S CRAPPY JOKES","A woman went to a dating agency asking for a mad, hot, passionate lover. A week later a man with no limbs in a wheelchair turned up at her house. ""I'm your date,"" he said. ""But I asked for a mad, hot, passionate lover!"" protested the woman. ""Well, I am,"" he replied. ""But you've got no arms or legs! What's so passionate about you?"" she asked. ""How do you think I rang the doorbell?"" he replied." 1 "LITERATURE","""Mostly Harmless"", the latest book in Douglas Adams' ""Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy"" ""trilogy"" is a darn good, if somewhat confusing, read. In this issue's literature column, guest writer ALISTAIR ""ALF"" FAIRWEATHER explains it all." 1 "JOHN SMITH:A TRIBUTE","There, that filled up a few pages nicely. Next time:tributes to Kurt Cobain, Ayrton Senna, Bill Hicks, Dennis Potter and my cat." 1 "JOHN SMITH:A TRIBUTE","John Smith, leader of the Opposition, has died. In a mark of respect we have left the next page completely blank." 1 "JOHN SMITH:A TRIBUTE","" 1 "GOT AN AMIGA?","Then you want AmigaFISH (or FISH3 if you prefer) the new diskzine. More details next ish. (Don't worry Spec-chums - we won't be forgetting FISH2)." 1 "FREE GAME!","If everything goes to plan, there should be a free game on this tape - ""Tomatoes"" by our own Chris Thomson. Full instructions in the game." 1 "FOOD AND DRINK","Here's the recipe for a great snack, enjoyable at any time of the day. You'll need some bread, a toaster, some butter and some marmalade. Insert bread into toaster, wait 'til it pops up and spread lightly with butter and liberally with marmalade. Et voila! Isn't cookery grand?" 1 "FISH ISSUE 6","If you got this from a PD library you may not be aware of the proper mag, FISH, the May issue of which is out now. For your lovely copy send 25p and an SAE to the address on the Info screen." 1 "FISH INDEX PART 2","Will be next ish. No time this ish (we hadn't finished Issue 6 in time. Sort of)." 1 "FILM:NAKED GUN 33 1/3","This, subtitled ""The Final Insult"", is the last ever Naked Gun film. So nerr. And it's a good 'un, albeit more of the same - the jokes are as funny and silly as ever, (with a couple of good spoofs of other films in there for good measure) and the plots still a bit thin on the ground. Oh, and it's a bit short. But still, eh?" 1 "COME IN THE REDDIES","We're a crap, dull, old and rich rock band "+ 1 "COME IN THE REDDIES","Lawks-a-lordy! FISH2 has uncovered the alternative version to Man Utd and Status Quo's hit single, Come On The Reds (Burning Bridges? Who Said Burning Bridges? NYARGH). Condensed version coming up. Full version next ish. Possibly." 1 "COME IN THE REDDIES"," We change our kits two or three times a year "+ 1 "CHRIS THOMSON's Maniac Pages","Wellcome one and all once again to my pages in the glorios FISH2. Right lets set you all a little change! How meany spelling mistakes have I made in my pages and how do you acutually spell them! "+ 1 "BODGE IT YOURSELF","In this issue, we are going to show you how to pick up satellite transmissions from around the globe. Programmes from such places as Holland and Australia will be in your homes and on your screens. (NOTE: You will only get the Dutch TV if you use some tin foil in cojuction with the below instructions). "+ 1 "BODGE IT YOURSELF"," Step 1. Cut the pants in half accross the middle. "+ 1 "APOLOGY","I s'pose I should mention I'm sorry this issue took so long, but it's all down to school work, exams, going on holiday and other stuff. Yes. Song lyric spot:If you can be my bodyguard, then I can be your long-last pal. Name that quote!" 1 "ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS","I'd like to thank ANDY DAVIS for the charecter set and +D version, MARTYN SHERWOOD for distribution, ZAFAR AHMAD KHAN for the menu prog, CHRIS THOMSON for the main prog and text, ALISTAIR FAIRWEATHER and LIZ SUMNER for some other text and ME for everything else. FISH 2 is PD (may be copied - musn't be used for anything else without Chris' permission) and 1 "A MESSAGE FROM BEYOND CREMATION","Ow, ouch, ooh, argh, it's HOT!" 1 "15 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR MAN"," 1) Walk. "+ 1 """DEADPAN""","It's also got a couple of mildly amusing cartoon strips, reviews (although presumably they'd be more lenient to a comedian who was writing for them), bits by Jo Brand and Stewart Lee and intimate details of how Basil Brush's cherry was popped (sort of). Reasonably priced at `1.95 for 68 glossy pages (better value than the last YS anyway) and an interesting and often funny magazine, despite the fact it'll probably end up being bought by people with no sense of humour (ahem)." 1 So Long... 1 Singalong 1 Really Useless Productions 1994." 1 Problem Page 1 Liz's Jokes 1 Literature 1 Horoscopes 1 Credits etc 1 CDT/R.U.P. 1994" 1 CDT 1994"